Looking for answers.

Do you ever find yourself behaving in a way that is so unlike you? What’s the trigger that really brings out the worst in us?

Lately, I’ve found myself behaving like someone I’ve never met before! Like I’ve left my body and I’m watching from the outside. Maybe like a ghost or spirit. I feel so lost lately. I don’t have any ambition to plan my wedding or be excited for anything at all. I’ve developed a short fuse with my fiancée and it scares me slightly.

I know who I am and how I was raised; and it just seems like all of that has vanished now. So the real question is how do I get back to the person I know I can be?

There’s one thing I am sure of; my current job has brought out the worst in me. So I’m trying to 1. find a new job, something in the range of what I actually want to do. 2. Be a better person at work, just focus on my work and leave and give people a chance.

Also what I am thinking; New York just made all state schools tuition free for residents. One of the schools I would love to go to is FIT in Manhattan. I loved the campus. I think there’s no time like the present to go to school and not have to worry about tuition. I want to better myself and if going back to school is what I need to do to better myself then I think it’s the right thing to do. But I still have to be accepted into college. But I’m being hopeful. Unfortunately I missed the deadline for Fall 2017. So I’m thinking Spring 2018. But it gives me time to prep a portfolio and my essays to only increase my chances of getting accepted!

I believe that is the next step in my life. Its logical and a step I’m ready to make. I’m supposed to get married in 2018, but if I’m going back to school then it may have to be a very small wedding. I want to get my life in order and getting a degree is the best thing to do. I want to be educated; and it will only help my photography career. That means wherever I go, my camera is now coming with me. 🙂 My fiancée will be thrilled.

He’s always been very supportive of my choices when it comes to my photography. He knows I love doing it and I have an eye for it; I couldn’t ask for a more supportive man and family. With that kind of support system, you can do anything!

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