Fiction Writing.

At least once a year, my family tells me I need to write a book considering how much I write in journals. I never take them seriously, just because I write about my day to day life doesn’t make me a writer.

But lately, I’ve been feeling a bit exhausted and a little uninspired and wondered to myself if it would ever actually be a viable option. Of course I googled, ‘how to write a book’ and it seems like the concept is a lot more complicated then first perceived. There’s like a whole slew of things you do before you even begin writing, like story and character layouts. And it’s so much more complex than I realized. I would never want to infringe on the true writers of the world with my babblings of a girl who basically constantly complains (myself.)

So I think I will stick to journaling in private and spend time writing on this blog and enthrall my followers with my stories.



My Favorite Place.

cropped-2.jpgvia Photo Challenge: Favorite Place

Living in New York. There’s no lack of places that make me happy and feel at ease. But I took this picture at InnisFree Gardens. This tree overlooks a man made pond. There’s a path that walk all the way around the pond. So there’s so many nooks and crannies that you can enjoy and this happened to be the last photo I took that day. You can stand on the pedestrian bridge that overlooks the whole area. Once you cross the bridge and walk around and up the hill…there’s a bench. I did a lot of self reflection there. Peacefulness surrounds you and it’s just you and nature.

There’s nothing better than that.

HelloFresh Review

So I’ve jumped onto the preprepared meal bandwagon. While going over my budget with my fiancée and my fiancée listening to the Joe Rogan podcast. My fiancée suggested that we try Blue Apron food service. I had recently got a coupon for HelloFresh. So I suggested we do that one first since I had the deal. I seriously always thought these home delivery meals were a big gimmick. But when I sat down and did the math, my gosh it’s a good option for a couple who don’t have kids. My fiancée and I work a lot, so we are those “hungry” shoppers who stop at the store on our way home to get things to make because we didn’t pull something out of the freezer before we left. Each trip was at least 30.00 dollars and of course you end up buying things you don’t need. So it seemed sensible for us.

Last night, we made our first meal. One pan Orzo. It was very good and beyond easy to make, that means a lot to me; I’m a terrible cook. My fiancée even liked it.

What I really like is that the recipes are printed on this really nice card stock, so even if you don’t stick with the delivery service, you will always have the recipe.

For my fiancée is the portion sizes. He has a very busy job, so the likelihood of him getting a lunch break is quite low. So he really likes to eat a lot at dinner; despite the fact that he knows how bad it is for him. 😉 so if your spouse or significant other likes to eat a lot, my suggestion is to order the plan for 4 people and then you will have bigger portions. Remember: that will cost you more.

Overall: The experience so far has been great. Everything is portioned correctly and is absolutely fresh. Tonight we are having chicken cheddar fajitas. Can’t wait.

Down & Out

Hello all.

I’m not going to apologize for neglecting my blog for some time now. That’s just too repetitive and no one wants to hear my excuses for honestly being too lazy to keep up; that’s honestly all that it has been over the past few months.

Today, I’m not coming back just because ‘ooh, I remembered suddenly that I had a blog.’ It was more of an eye opening experience for me, today I got my hair done and spent the day running errands with my mother. It’s a regular occurrence with us; she’s my best friend and we always spend Wednesday’s together if we can. But we had some eye opening conversations, about how we both felt lost in our lives and sometimes in our relationships. How maybe my procrastination of planning my wedding has some to do with finances and the rest is about maybe I feel just lost. I don’t feel like I’m behaving like myself, or that if I do act like myself I will be judged. So the real question is, “when will I stop hiding who I am?” I think the longer I wait the weirder it will be when my true personality comes out. I’m more terrified to show my fiancée my true self, because what if he doesn’t want to get married to me anymore. I used to dance all over my room when I was a kid and still do it to this day as an adult, it makes me feel at ease. One time, my fiancée caught me and just the look in his eye felt like he was judging me. And I immediately stopped and honestly haven’t done it since; that was a few years ago. So I should feel the most comfortable with the person I’m getting married to? Correct?

I don’t know what to do to bring myself back?

This past fall I went through a massive betrayal by one of my closest friends. It hit me hard. She was going to be the maid of honor at my wedding, and she really brought out the best in my personality. I mean she was also emotionally draining on me with her constant problems. I mean she came over for holidays, I took her grocery shopping, helped changed locks on her door from her crazy ex. And she used and abused my trust and my friendship and then freaked out and essentially dumped me one day. I mean I know it’s for the best and the toxicity isn’t good for my life. But she knew me well and we had a lot of fun together. So when that betrayal came, I began to feel like I wasn’t good enough to be anyone’s friend. No one has brought out the fun part of my personality since her. I got depressed and tired and I got a new job that stripped so much from me. I’m finally coming around, to where I’m reaching out to friends to make plans. I began exercising (don’t worry I’m not going to become someone who posts all of their gym selfies.) and I’m trying to work really hard at my career and also building my photography portfolio. Doing whatever it takes to make myself a better person, so I don’t once again get taken advantage of again by supposed friends.

My ending words are if you feel like dancing. Just do it. Don’t let anyone stop you.

Lack of Communication.

The common reason relationships end. No one wants to communicate their feelings anymore. They say nothing and hope for the best. I’ll admit, sometimes I do this…I know sometimes that speaking my mind will end up leading to a fight over something so trivial; and I want to avoid that fight altogether. But sometimes you just have to face it head on.

Just a FYI, this is my post just to vent and maybe later, like tomorrow or next week I’ll actually deal with my problems IRL.

My fiancée IS NOT a morning person at all. I’ve gotten used to the fact that we don’t speak to each other in the morning at all. 9 years together, and that hasn’t changed. But now, when we drive home together…since we share a car right now. I want someone to talk to about my day; and when I talk to him…CRICKETS! I might as well be having a conversation with myself.

So when I prod him to talk since he won’t respond when I speak, apparently what I’m saying isn’t interesting enough to keep him engaged or keep him from staring at his phone. He gets all huffy and puffy and says this: “I just got off work, I’m not talking!”

I WAS SO PISSED! But that wasn’t even the worst part. It makes me feel like my words have absolutely no merit. I want my significant other TO WANT to talk about me and hear about my day and talk about the news.

Then not even 5 minutes later; he says: “I want to volunteer.” I was fuming inside by this moment, I mumbled “yeah” underneath my breath. Then he says; “Did you not hear me?” I wanted to SCREAM! So he doesn’t have to respond when I speak, but I have to hold a conversation with someone who just told me he just got off work and didn’t want to talk. I’m totally confused. I just huffed; and I was like “YEAH!” I never wanted to be one of those people. But here I am, being extremely passive aggressive. So I talk a deep breath; “Doing what?” I ask. He tells me he wants to do like habitat for humanity or something along those lines. I just don’t have the energy to get in another fight at this point. So I just let it slide. The rest of the ride home, I just keep it clipped and give one word answers because I know I won’t make it long if I try to hold an actual conversation.

So here’s the real dilemma…

Knowing that he doesn’t like to talk in the morning, we don’t speak during the day really because we both have demanding jobs that keep us busy all day and he never really takes a lunch break. So now, really no conversations in the morning, we don’t speak during the day and NOW he doesn’t want to talk because he just got off work. When are we supposed to communicate? This is the dilemma. I know I need to broach the subject. But it just seems like so much work for what I know is going to turn into a fight anyways.

Any suggestions? Strip truth or dare? But no dares…just truth? A friend gave me that suggestion. Anything more subtle?

I’m Back!

You should feel so proud that I have kept my promise so far that I would completely vanish off the face of the planet like before.

Today, it was a better day; mainly because I didn’t work and I was actually pretty productive.

Unfortunately, I’m still a millennial and have to do my laundry at my mother’s house. But it gave me the opportunity to take my little sister Sophia to the park! We got on the swings together, did the monkey bars together…well I attempted it. I have found out I need to do weights at the gym now. Absolutely no upper body strength! 🙂

Then, I took her for lunch. We went back, watched Minions together while I washed my laundry.

Next up, I came home and did all of our dishes that have been piled up in the sink for about a week now. My fiancée loves the concept of filling up the sink full of water to let them “soak”. Which means never going back and doing the dishes while the water is still warm. No! It gets all grimy and starts to smell. So I’m the one who always gets to deal with the aftermath of that brilliant plan!

Since I have been kind of letting myself go lately with all the stress from the new job. I took a long hot shower and shaved like everything for the first time in awhile. I got all dressed up, well kind of; dressed up for me and made sure I did my make up all nice; I wanted to show my fiancée that his lady still has it! That I haven’t turned into a completely mess over the past few weeks!

Now that I’m home from running all of my errands and such. I have water boiling to make some cheddar and broccoli soup for dinner with some bread of course! That’s how we roll in New York. We are all about our carbs in NY!

I hope everyone is enjoying a carb coma as I will be very soon!

I’m currently working on a few pieces I will be posting soon. I couldn’t be more excited about them!

Here’s some insights in what’s coming next:

-Sex Playlists. What should you be playing when your getting freaky! Clue: Doesn’t include Netflix!

-Creams, Moisturizers, and Sprays: What am I using to keep my skin in check?

-Day in the Life of someone who can bench press more than the boys!!!


When you vanish…

–I never wanted to be one of those bloggers who was basically non-existent. Who posted in a frenzy in the beginning, then vanishes off the face of the planet.

Let me tell you where I have been…

I accepted a new job, the job that is close to my dreams; I saw the huge increase in pay, and the first time EVER being offered insurance benefits. It’s the small things that got me excited; I wanted to leap and be one of those people who could say I faked it till I made it.

But now that I’ve been there, I wonder if I jumped too quickly. I overestimated my abilities you could say. Its taking my passion for photography, and taking out all of the creativity out of the craft. Just take these pictures, in this order. When I got into photography, it’s all about the eye, and creating something that you see in your minds eye. But that’s the problem with any studio work, it’s hard to create what I see in my head; which is beautiful I must say.

I watched my mom take a job;  drive 1 hour 30 minutes everyday to LI. Leaving at 6am, working all day and not come home till almost 10pm every single day she worked. And when she was off, she would constantly field calls from her job because the staff was incompetent. I saw her fall apart so quickly; that it was heart breaking. She went on short term disability then ended her employment shortly after. Between her short term disability and since I have a younger sister who is currently in elementary school. She couldn’t stomach missing all of my sisters stuff because of work. After watching her go through this; I swore up and down I would never take a job just because of the money.

And here I am a few years later, taking a job only close to what I want to do because of the money and insurance benefits. But I was struggling financially and I took a leap of financial faith you could say.

But I’m about 3 weeks in, and I want to pull out my hair everyday; like I said this job takes out the creativity out of the craft. Not to mention, you have to follow a very specific guide that is the most boring thing sometimes. I know it’s a corporation that there’s rules to follow, but I thought I would get some creative leeway. Apparently, I was wrong.

I was getting so stressed out, that I stopped shaving my legs, washing my face, or washing my hair. I was not looking my best. And when I’m not looking my best, I can’t expect my fiancée to want to look at me. I know that sounds like extremely sexist on his part. He’s seen me at my worst, and never judged me. But sometimes I want to look my best for him, and I want to take care of myself. It makes me feel good and he has something nice hanging on his arm!

Not to mention, when your rolling around on the floor all day and bent over doing photographs, my lower back and been extremely inflamed. So when I try to go and do things on my day off I can only handle so long before I begin limping. So here’s an example, I went to the Dutchess County Fair today, I walked around and did a few rides for 3 or 4 hours. By the 4th hour, I had to lay in the back seat of my car flat to get any relief. I don’t want to feel miserable all of the time because of a job.

I never wanted to be one of those people like most of society who go to work, pay bills and die. I want to live for something. As much as I want this job to work out. I definitely was happy about my first pay check being triple what my checks were at my previous job.

But if I want to survive my new job and also going into holiday season; I need to get back to my roots and doing what makes me happy. I need to balance my life out a bit.


New Project.

In my own self reflection, I wanted to do more for myself and for those less fortunate. We sometimes forget how blessed we are, and we take our freedoms for granted.

As I figure out what my contribution needs to be. I want to reflect on the women around the world who are contributing to the beauty of this world in their own capacity. It’s inspiring.

As of late, I’ve been itching to write a post about something. But I wanted it to be heartfelt and meaningful. I began thinking about tolerance, we have become so intolerant as a society against religion, sexual orientation, heritage. I wanted to showcase our differences in a place we could be tolerant and loving.

Our world has proven many times over and over that intolerance will be our demise as society; yet, we continue to make the same mistakes.

With technology, we can hide behind our keyboards and talk poorly of our own friends and family and strangers, without any consequences. So I want to flip the script and use technology and our access to so many more people by highlighting the women who are looking to change the landscape on how we view the world.

Stay tuned for the first woman up to make an appearance and who I believe is opening eyes for our world.



Day 30- Last DAY!

You know I have never actually ever completed one of these 30 day challenges. Weather it’s a squat challenge, or post a picture of certain things for 30 days. I never complete them. So even though I stretched this out way longer than a month, I did complete it! I am giving myself a pat on the back right now.

These are the hopes for my blog…

  1. That it inspires me to stick with something I have begun and not to give up on it.
  2. I want to inspire others to show their true selves to the world. We get so stuck in creating a persona to show the world; we don’t show our flaws and our weaknesses. I want to take the stigma away from that and just show that we are awesome flaws and all.
  3. To find my niche, I can feel myself going down a path that doesn’t challenge me or push me to my limits and that’s a fate worse than death.
  4. To share my stories with the world, I love to be open and giving and to share my experiences. And I’m ready to do that!


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