–I never wanted to be one of those bloggers who was basically non-existent. Who posted in a frenzy in the beginning, then vanishes off the face of the planet.
Let me tell you where I have been…
I accepted a new job, the job that is close to my dreams; I saw the huge increase in pay, and the first time EVER being offered insurance benefits. It’s the small things that got me excited; I wanted to leap and be one of those people who could say I faked it till I made it.
But now that I’ve been there, I wonder if I jumped too quickly. I overestimated my abilities you could say. Its taking my passion for photography, and taking out all of the creativity out of the craft. Just take these pictures, in this order. When I got into photography, it’s all about the eye, and creating something that you see in your minds eye. But that’s the problem with any studio work, it’s hard to create what I see in my head; which is beautiful I must say.
I watched my mom take a job; drive 1 hour 30 minutes everyday to LI. Leaving at 6am, working all day and not come home till almost 10pm every single day she worked. And when she was off, she would constantly field calls from her job because the staff was incompetent. I saw her fall apart so quickly; that it was heart breaking. She went on short term disability then ended her employment shortly after. Between her short term disability and since I have a younger sister who is currently in elementary school. She couldn’t stomach missing all of my sisters stuff because of work. After watching her go through this; I swore up and down I would never take a job just because of the money.
And here I am a few years later, taking a job only close to what I want to do because of the money and insurance benefits. But I was struggling financially and I took a leap of financial faith you could say.
But I’m about 3 weeks in, and I want to pull out my hair everyday; like I said this job takes out the creativity out of the craft. Not to mention, you have to follow a very specific guide that is the most boring thing sometimes. I know it’s a corporation that there’s rules to follow, but I thought I would get some creative leeway. Apparently, I was wrong.
I was getting so stressed out, that I stopped shaving my legs, washing my face, or washing my hair. I was not looking my best. And when I’m not looking my best, I can’t expect my fiancée to want to look at me. I know that sounds like extremely sexist on his part. He’s seen me at my worst, and never judged me. But sometimes I want to look my best for him, and I want to take care of myself. It makes me feel good and he has something nice hanging on his arm!
Not to mention, when your rolling around on the floor all day and bent over doing photographs, my lower back and been extremely inflamed. So when I try to go and do things on my day off I can only handle so long before I begin limping. So here’s an example, I went to the Dutchess County Fair today, I walked around and did a few rides for 3 or 4 hours. By the 4th hour, I had to lay in the back seat of my car flat to get any relief. I don’t want to feel miserable all of the time because of a job.
I never wanted to be one of those people like most of society who go to work, pay bills and die. I want to live for something. As much as I want this job to work out. I definitely was happy about my first pay check being triple what my checks were at my previous job.
But if I want to survive my new job and also going into holiday season; I need to get back to my roots and doing what makes me happy. I need to balance my life out a bit.